Trigger Warning: This post contains talk of dentists and dental treatment.
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Between the ages of 5 and 21 I had been to the dentist exactly twice in my life.
In the last 15 months, I’ve been just shy of 20 times. I’ve two root canals, an extraction, more fillings than I can remember, four x-rays, and several cleanings.
15 months ago, I wouldn’t have thought that would be possible.
See, I’ve been terrified of the dentist my whole life-to the point where the mere thought of having someone look at my teeth triggered a full blown panic attack. Since my mother also has this phobia, she never took me to the dentist as a child.
15 months ago, however, the years of avoiding the dentist (combined with my addiction to Diet Coke) finally caught up with me, and one of my teeth broke in half. After much sobbing, I finally made a dentist appointment and the rest, as they say, is history.
“After you do something every week for months on end, it stops being so scary.”
Now don’t get me wrong, my phobia hadn’t suddenly disappeared. The first half a dozen appointments caused me intense anxiety, and even now if I’m feeling particularly stressed, a trip to the dentist is enough to tip me over the edge. But after a lot of perseverance I can safely say that I have conquered my fear of the dentist.
This is, let’s be honest, partly because I had no choice. My teeth were literally falling out of my head and I didn’t want dentures at the age of 22. So I went to the dentist. And then I kept going. And after you do something every week for months on end, it stops being so scary.
But it’s also because of my dentist. I am in the incredibly fortunate position where I can afford to go private, and so I specifically sought out a dentist that specialises in people like me-people who are terrified of the dentist. He knows exactly how to talk to calm me down, and never makes me feel vulnerable. I know that if I ever need him to stop, all I have to do is raise my hand and he’ll stop what he’s doing and let me breathe. More than that, he can read my body language and if I suddenly stiffen, or if I’m wringing my hands, he knows that I need a breather.
“Conquering my fear of the dentist proved to me that I am capable.”
He also does not judge me. When I was 16, I went to the dentist with toothache, and instead of help I was met with judgement. Why didn’t I brush my teeth properly? Why had I let things get this bad? Why wasn’t I doing more to look after my teeth?
By contrast, my first appointment with my current dentist was one full of compassion and understanding. When I had finally stopped crying enough to speak, I explained that yes, I knew my teeth were in terrible condition, but yes, despite the fact that I’m in the midst of a panic attack I do want to do something about it. Instead of treating me like a naughty child, simply addressed my concerns and gave me the knowledge and information I needed to make better decisions moving forward. It may sound like a small thing, but honestly it made a world of difference.
This is, of course, not to say that NHS dentists aren’t just as reassuring and understanding. What’s more, it is possible to find NHS dentists that also specialise in patients with anxiety; and of course sedation is always an option. But budgetary and staffing pressures can take their toll, and if you’re just one patient out of a hundred, they might not stop to think that, actually, this person is terrified and requires a little extra time; a little extra kindness.
Conquering my fear of the dentist might seem like a small and insignificant thing-after all, people have conquered worse fears and phobias-but for me it symbolises something much bigger. It symbolises my ability to anything I goddamn please. It reminds me that even my biggest fears in the world aren’t as bad in reality as they are in my head. It shows me that being vulnerable in front of other people doesn’t always result in the end of the world.
Conquering my fear of the dentist proved to me that I am capable. And, y’know, saved my poor, rotting teeth.
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For more information about overcoming a fear of the dentist and NHS services available for anxious patients, please visit the NHS website.
