Is everyone aware of Paul Hollywood’s Twitter profile picture? Because it’s terrifying.

It’s pudding week, the gooiest of weeks, and we open with Sandi teaching Noel how to correctly frolic in a field of buttercups to set the mood. We’re getting to the point now where I can identify all the bakers by name, and I’m genuinely worried about who we might lose. Of course, we were dealt an early blow with the departure of Flo, who I am still not over, actually, thank you very much.

Signature Challenge – Steamed School Pudding

This week’s signature is a steamed school pudding, because who doesn’t long for the slimy, congealed wonder that was a steamed school pudding? There’s a look in Paul’s eyes that tell us he wishes to bathe in a vat of custard, and he tells us that the puddings shouldn’t be stodgy or soggy… together we pray that this will be the week of the soggy bottoms, amen.

Sophie, clearly a patron of Waitrose, is using Tonka beans to flavour her mascarpone, and Yan is doing science again to avoid a stodgy pudding. She also declares she has the best mango. I trust her. Kate is going quintessentially English with her Earl Grey tea flavoured sponge, and is naming it after Mr Darcy. Liam and Stacey are both attempting a cherry bakewell-inspired puddings, although Stacey might have the edge having practiced it a mere seventeen times.

James is going for an orange marmalade creation reminiscent of his school days, while Julia tells us she never had steamed puddings at school, and describes some sort of apple and cottage cheese nightmare. Zesting is happening over at Tom’s station, and he’ll be injecting syrup into his pudding with a syringe – we all stare off into the distance and remember Tamal. Oh, Tamal.

While the puddings steam and the bakers worry about the puddings steaming, we get an early history segment where Sandi talks us through the origins of the steamed pudding. It honestly sounds worse than Julia’s cottage cheese monstrosity, made from sheep’s bladder and all other sorts of nastiness.

As the puddings come out of the steamer, everyone hopes they’ve not sunk in the middle while they burn their fingers. Stacey is one away from victory lap as hers has worked, and Noel has to unveil Julia’s for her. Kate’s custard looks more like milk, and someone asks her “how can I help?” Her reply is bleak; “you can’t”. At the back of the tent, Yan is shaving her mangos.

The judges begin their predatory circling. James’ orange and ginger pudding looks pretty, but isn’t light enough. Julia has nice custard and the orange and treacle pudding tastes good, but again the sponge is too stodgy. Sophie’s is the same, but her posh beans give it an interesting flavour. Steven’s lemon and blackcurrant pudding is the first to achieve a light sponge, which earns him a Hollywood Handshake…


Prue takes one look at Kate’s runny custard and declares “that’s not custard, that’s a big mistake”. Harsh, Prue. Yan’s pudding is beautifully designed with a nice consistency, and Paul confirms “that is a good mango”… and it’s ANOTHER handshake! Liam’s bakewell is “very almondy” but also suffering from the stodge. Paul says he cannot give him a Hollywood Handshake, but Noel kindly offers him a Fielding Fondle. Stacey’s pudding looks good and is nice and light, and she gets the third handshake in as many minutes. Paul, you cheapen yourself.

Technical Challenge – Molten Chocolate Pudding

It’s time for a staggered technical now, and Julia is up first much to her open despair. Sandi informs her that she needs to make six molten chocolate puddings filled with peanut butter. My mouth is watering. Paul warns the camera that an overbake will mean a congealed centre, while and underbake means the whole thing will collapse… the pressure. It is on.

Sophie is next into the tent, with a look of steely confidence as the challenge is read to her, before she reveals she’s never made a molten pudding before and the many potential problems flash before her eyes. As she begins baking she glances over at Julia and asks, “does it get better?” Julia says it does not.

As the other bakers trickle in, each declaring they’ve “not a clue” how to make a molten chocolate pudding, Julia appears to be whisking her arm off to get the right amount of air into her mixture. Liam turns on the electric whisk behind her and her face falls she realises she didn’t have to be doing it by hand.


When it comes to how long to bake the puddings for, Paul has said they should take ten minutes. Julia is making a guess at twelve minutes, while Liam says twenty and then quickly backtracks to fifteen. Kate is wildly out with a guess of thirty five minutes, with James hitting on eight. Steven estimates twenty five, with Yan getting it bang on with a confident guess of ten minutes. With the puddings going in, it’s ovenwatch time with the bakers all sat around staring into the abyss/their ovens.

Julia’s time is up, and her puddings are collected by Sandi to be served to Paul and Prue. They look very neat, with soft peanut butter but they could have been filled a bit more. Sophie is next and they have a good wobble, which is good (always). Paul and Prue exclaim “look at that!” in unison and Sophie sees a lot of nodding.

Liam passes Sandi his puddings and immediately hides behind his station. His sponge is excellent but his filling needed more peanut butter. Steven’s look perfect and Prue is ready to go into rapture, but the filling is solid and the sponge is slightly overbaked. Yan arranges her puddings carefully on a tray, realises she’s made a penis, and declares “if you’re going to serve a cake, serve it phallic”. Amen. Sadly, the penisbutter puddings are underbaked.

Noel collects Kate’s puddings, and she tells him if she drops them it wouldn’t be a disaster. “Enjoy!” says Noel as he serves them to Paul and Prue. “I don’t think we will,” says Prue. Ouch. The puddings are deemed “pretty dreadful” overall. James’ puddings have slightly collapsed and are mostly raw, and Prue is rude again. Stacey’s are a little overbaked but taste okay.

In the end Kate comes in last, followed by James, with Liam in second and Sophie triumphing for the technical.

Showstopper – Ornamental Trifle Terrine

The showstopper is an ‘ornamental trifle terrine’, with a baked element, a set element like a mousse or a custard, and a jelly. It needs to be firm enough to be sliced, but not rubbery, with distinct layers. Another simple one, then.

Steven tells the judges that he’s making an American flag trifle. THIS IS THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF STEVEN, THEY DON’T EVEN CALL IT A BAKE OFF IN THE STATES IT’S CALLED A BAKING SHOW, WHAT’S THAT ABOUT. He’s been to nine states in the US so he’s putting nine stars on it, because that’s how flags work apparently. James is feeling a bit more patriotic and is making a union jack trifle with prosecco jelly, while Yan’s ‘Heart of a Hero’ trifle is inspired by her father and sounds like it will be an absolute masterpiece if she pulls it off.

Sophie is making something called ‘yuzu curd’ in a bûche mould, which excites Noel, and also a posh sponge that I can’t pronounce. Liam is making a brownie layer inspired by his uni days, and we all side-eye our imaginary cameras for a second before he says all the lads would get together for brownies and chai lattes. I want to cuddle him. He’s so pure. James suddenly exclaims “I’m just making my swiss roll” and we all worry he’s thinking of the wrong challenge.

Everyone puts their final terrines into the freezer (nobody say it), and pray for a good set as they start their decorations. Stacey is having a bit of disaster, having forgotten to put sugar in her biscuit, while Yan is doing some wizardry with gelatine. As time begins to run out everyone de-moulds their trifles, and I hide behind a cushion for fear of Dorret-style disaster. Liam’s is dribbling a lot and OH GOD IS LIAM CRYING, DON’T CRY LIAM WE LOVE YOU.

GBBO: Yan is a genius and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sophie is first to be judged, and Prue complements the “pink sausage through the middle”. Clearly Yan’s phallic puddings are still on her mind. The trifle is declared “very pretty, very high class” (despite the pink sausage). Yan’s looks absolutely incredible, and the strawberry mousse is a “triumph”. Paul marvels at the chilli in Stacey’s trifle, and asks “Who would have chilli in a trifle?!” Who indeed.

Kate’s is neat with a nice tart jelly, and I think she’s been saved. James’ is a bit too firm (which Prue demonstrates by spanking it thoroughly with the back of a spoon) and is “a bit sickly”. Julia’s passionfruit jelly doesn’t work and has made the sponge soggy, and Steven is here to show everyone up again with his American trifle that gets a round of applause from Prue (oh just marry him already, Prue). BUT, it turns out that Steven’s trifle is too tough (hah) and is more style over substance (HAH HAH HAH).

Prue says that Liam’s lovely ‘Cheers Lads’ trifle is “a bit clumsy”. Prue I will fight you. Paul makes a show of cutting through the brownie and I’ll fight you too Paul just watch me. Liam’s jelly is a “disaster” and both he and Julia now look on the verge of tears. My heart, my poor heart.

Sandi announces that Sophie is star baker, and I have to be glad because I kind of need her to do well for the sweepstake at work. It’s James that will be leaving the tent this week, and Julia straight up breaks down when she learns it won’t be her. Sandi goes to check on Liam and I feel better that someone is looking after him… but now it looks like James is crying, telling us “to be a part of this was very humbling”, and I’m just an emotional wreck right now.

Join us next week for another round of ‘Becki Has Some Emotions About Cake In A Tent’.

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